Inner Child (2017)- I finished CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) Last week, one of the things mentioned was that emotionally, I’m still a child. I held onto the hope of someone telling me in my childhood that, “Everything is ok,” For so long, I haven’t grown up properly, hence one of the reasons I have Borderline personality disorder. This piece was to show that no matter what the make up, there is still that piece of me that is anxious when it comes to people because I’m worried about what they will say or do. I can hide behind the make up, pretend to be brave but in the end the part of me that experienced the emotional abuse growing up is still there and is sensitive to that around me.
Mercy tree (2017)
When it comes to mental health issues, time seems like an important thing. An episode of Mania, depression and/or psychosis, can last for days, weeks or even months, the ticking of the clock can get annoying waiting for the episode to pass. You can hope that the episode will go as fast as possible but the truth is, it will last as long as it wants too. Telling someone to, “Get over it,” Never works. Each cog on the tree represents a day. You need to wait, till each cog has fallen for the clocks to stop again before the sky becomes clear blue again.
If you’ve been stuck in a situation long enough, you can feel trapped in it. However, once you get out, there then comes the task of having to fix yourself. Like if you’re abused by someone, it can take time trying to get out of it but then there is the task of fixing the emotional scars.
CBT (2017) – I’m coming to the end of my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and it’s probably the number one asked question is, “What have you learned?” Most of the time my mind is too either slow or busy to come up with a real answer. So, to make my therapist happy, I made this..
3 times a day, 7 days a week (2016)
One of the things about having Chronic Illnesses is the amount of medication you can be stuck with. This is some of the empty blister packets I have and decided to use. The clocks symbolise the times of day to take my tablets and the flowers are there because sometimes the medication doesn’t work and the only thing you have going is positive thinking and hope
Ribs and heart (2017)
I haven’t done oil painting in a while. The feeling of anxiety had been gripping me that week. The feeling like something was tightening my chest was there. My first thought was to draw a hand squeezing a heart, but as I painted it progressed into flowers and vines flowing down the ribs.
The Good and the Bad (2016)
The idea behind this painting came from my latest depression cycle. I keep getting fed up of people telling me that the down mood will pass. The thing is I know it will pass, I remember the good times, but the problem is those memories do nothing to effect my mood when it is in that deep
The Paranoid Fairground (2016)
Ok, I’ll admit this is felt tip and not paint.
The idea behind this one came from a song called Paranoid Circus by a band called Lyriel
-Under Current projects, Mental Health Project
22nd of September till the 7th of October 2014 I was hospitalised due to my mental health. There the only things I was really allowed to keep for hobbies were a sketch book some pens and a writing book. I tried to do a sketch each day to show one of my thoughts or feelings.
One of the psychiatric nurses actually saw some of my sketches and commented
“There’s not much colour in these is there?”
My reply- “Well I only have black and grey pens.”
Her answer- “But you didn’t go looking for colour either.”
This made me realise when I actually did start adding more colour into my pictures (More towards my release date) My mood was lifting. Art can be a powerful thing but an Occupational therapist told me people can start dressing darker and that’s when they know they are going to be ill (Due to me dressing darker anyway I had to make a joke that when I get ill I must start dressing more colourful) but maybe I should look out more in my art work what colours and what the mood of the picture is to see what my mental state is.
There was also this picture-
Now I know I use a lot of clocks/ clock work in my work, the psychiatrist also saw some of my work via my phone and in a way I was psychoanalysed-
Nurse- “You draw a lot of clocks don’t you?”
Nurse- “Do you know why?”
Nurse *Turns to a picture in my mini sketch book and shows it.*- “You’ve shown the answer in this. I think you connect time with your mood disorder, you know each cycle will end but it’s as you mentioned it can be stressful waiting and coping with it. All this clock work, probably represents it’s haunting you, you’ve mentioned you want it all to stop or freeze to give you a break, so maybe this is the way you process it, looking through the cogs and the clocks you are trying to find that part of you that needs fixing that will stop time, your bipolar and other symptoms,”
All the work I did-
There’s no Hope
If it Wins…
Life’s a Pattern
My mood one day
I’ve created 4 new images for the mental health project I’m doing, This project has become part of my- Time To Talk Pledge- http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/
I pledged to educate others about mental health and raise awareness.
Bipolar Worlds (2013)
Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder but it also changes depending on the mood how the person sees the world.
Dissociative Disorder (Depersonalisation/Derealisation) Unlike Multiple Personality disorder people with Depersonalisation can feel out of control, often like they are seeing themselves do things, but there is not another personality controlling them
Hallucinations, Delusions that are not always linked to Schizophrenia.
Time to Talk- Time to change
Link to the rest of my images for this collection- https://nightmarecat.wordpress.com/current-projects/mental-health/
Also, look out here for more of this collection and for updates