Writing Project- Myths and Lies- Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 

 Standing up, my balance began to sway; apparently, the alcohol affects my dreams. The only thing keeping me up is the support I kept on the table. The empty stomach followed me here too; I turned away from the food, gripping my hair trying to think of other things. I slipped to the floor hiding curled up underneath it, finding support on the central column.

I became alerted when I heard footsteps.

Of course, he found me.

Hades smirked, holding out his hand offering to pull me out. I hesitantly accepted it, more afraid of what would happen if I let it known, I wanted to stay under here for the remainder of this.

Hades pulled and held me to him tightly as I began to lose balance. I could feel the bone of his forearm pressing into my back and almost feel the blood pulsing through his warm body along with other things.

I gasped, which in return made him grin, he held me tight enough against his body, that even if I wanted to pull way I couldn’t.

“At least you’ll lose one of your holds on me soon.” I gladly said, hoping I might depend less on physical touch.

“Oh, I doubt it,” He stated swaying and lifting me onto the table, knocking one of the fruit bowls off and knocking my heart off beat, making my grip hold of him for more stability.

“There is no way you can keep this up. And you will be caught if you come to my house again.”

“I’m not planning on keeping this up. Now let me ask you a question,” He said, parting my legs. His figure leaned into me, his arms taking his weight onto the table as he barricaded me in. “How long do you think you can keep up staying in that house?” I opened my mouth, I couldn’t think of an answer.

         “I will get you, you can either step outside or I can slowly pick away at the protection on that house. You belong here with me and that fact is wearing the protection off. All I have to do is get the main Gods and Goddesses who protect that house a certain distance away from it.” He decreed. My eyes widened, the world froze for a second, realising what he said. He did have something to do with my mother’s disappearance.

“What did you do to-?”

“Let’s say she’s on a forced vacation.”

“Let her go.” I demanded trying to push him off of me, which is no use; he laid me back further into the other fruit on the table.

“That will come at a price.” I knew what the price is and I think at this moment Demeter would hate it if I paid it.

“No,”

“Well I could make you scream yes, but I think we’ll leave that for a later date.” He implied, another sharp inhale from me.

I’ll admit. I’m not in the most comfortable position laying with pomegranates and a bowl hoisting me up and Hades almost crushing me into them. In the distraction area, Hades is a pro. His smile and the pressure of his body, is enough that I didn’t mind what is sticking into me, it could have been spikes for all I cared.

When I heard a clock chime midnight. It hit me what day it is.

Hades snaked his arms around my back pulling me up. With the way, he is looking at me I knew what’s coming next.

“Happy Birthday,” He smirked lifting my chin up and crashing his lips onto mine. He forced me back down on to the table, holding me down by gripping hips. I lost my mind, within the feeling wracking through my body. My arms laced their way around the back of his neck bringing him closer.

I held on to him, feeling his silky hair through my fingers. His hands moved over my dress, a burning sensation followed the path of his touch and began to spread through my whole body. It left me gasping for breath when his lips finally moved away.

 The absence wasn’t there for long, his lips continued their ministrations my neck. My feet snaked so they touched the back of his lower legs, anchoring him to me.

The sudden pulses came with the pain when he suddenly bit down made me groan.

Slowly, he’s getting me to need him rather than want him. One touch from him made my heart race, he is chaining me to him almost like a life support machine.

“You’ll be getting a lot more if you accept the price,” He whispered nipping my ear. That’s when my mind came crashing back.

“No,” I breathed before he hitched up my dress and began to creep his hands across my abdomen.

 

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Forevermore (Preview)

This is a project I have been working on for NaNoWriMo (2018), not entirely sure where I’m going with it but I have completed the first 50,000 words. Current title for this story is Forevermore, however it may change as the story develops. Feedback appreciated.

 

Dreams. I have dreams that break reality. As a child I believed in fairies. It wasn’t a normal childhood fantasy, they haunted me to the point my parents figured I needed help, nothing worked. As an adult, it’s hard to say you don’t believe in something, when there’s a constant vision of them every day. The fairies aren’t the tiny things people are led to believe, instead they looked like humans with the exception of the unique brilliant design of wings on their backs. Everyone would turn saying, “Blair’s a strange girl.” Only my grandmother would believe me after she found me out in the woodlands when I was a child. I had been following the little lights that were dancing around me. From that day I was forbidden from going in the woods and I hardly ever saw granny again.

It’s because of Granny Malina I was now heading back to my home village in the North of Scotland. My parents, god rest their souls, decided after a heated argument when I was 7, I shouldn’t really see her. She is my fathers’ mother but from what I recall of her, unlike my dad, she has a strong belief of otherworldly things. Pretty sure, if there was a way to become a fairy, Malina would take it in a heartbeat. Her little cottage was always decorated like a fairy princess palace. It’s been 18 years since that whole turn of events. On my 25thbirthday a few weeks ago, like the place was calling me back again, it was discovered granny had terminal cancer.

Happy Birthday, Blair and by the way the only person who did not think you are crazy or have some sort of mental illness is dying. The whole family although small figured it would be better if we could all come together and give her a family orientated final few weeks, heaven knows with how disjointed the family is she needed it.

“For Heavens sake learn how to bloody drive!” I screamed at the guy who had just cut me off on the motorway. My aunt Mysie, who had been looking after me for the past 12 years in the North of England, she nearly had a heart attack when she discovered I wanted to learn how to drive. Probably a good reason, with my red hair the stereotypical anger had to come out somewhere. Turns out I’m a bitch for road rage. My personality might have been one reason. The other reason was I believe she still thought there might be a trigger for overwhelming trauma there.

I mirrored the sign the guy in front of my had just given me as I overtook him again. Ah the human race despite the fact it is throwing it down with rain we still stop to roll down windows and give rude hand gestures.

“It was your fault moron!” I grumbled slapping the steering wheel, I should just be thankful I didn’t crash, my insurance was already at a maximum I could afford after accidentally knocking over my ex-best friend’s scooter when I found out she had been sleeping with the now ex-boyfriend… Like I said road rage, that and they both deserved it.

I’m seeing this get away as a holiday. Maybe a mind opener and something will hit me. Though I have a feeling I need to close my mind. Six psychiatrists later and the fairies still haunt me. In childhood it was put down to an over active imagination and I’ll grow out of it. As soon as I hit sixteen that’s when they started throwing about diagnosis’s like psychosis and schizophrenia. Deep down inside of me I know I’m mentally ok, although according to a few psychiatrists me thinking I don’t have a problem is a sign I have a problem, I tested out a theory with one of them by suggesting that I did have a mental health issue and I was discharged. Turns out, insanity can be classed as sanity these days.  All of them recently agreed though I need to talk about what happened at my parent’s death. That like the police report was a case closed matter. And that’s how I’ll remain on it. I am not expecting this holiday to suddenly hit me with some life altering information. Then I’ll get home and write a best seller and me and J.K Rowling will be laughing it up over Cosmo’s or whatever those British people drink, though in my world give me a pint any day.

The last time I had breached my home village boundary was for the funeral of my parents. Not that there was much left of the bodies… the explosion took care of that. This time it looks like I’ll be leaving after another funeral. I did hope there would be some miracle cure, but I had enough therapy running through me that I knew the reality of things.

Instead of taking one journey I had decided, it would be better for mine and everyone’s lives if I had a stop over in Edinburgh. That way I wouldn’t be too tired from driving and I’d have a day to acclimatise to the Scottish environment again. Also, my family would have chance to get together, gossip and figure out how they were going to keep me from my grandmother and how to keep me hidden the rest of my life. I remember going to Edinburgh as a child before getting moved to England to live with my mother’s sister. Driving through it now, the buildings seem less daunting and scary and the crowds less anxiety provoking. On the other hand, everything in this world as a child was terrifying to me.

From Newcastle to Inverness it, according to Google Maps anyway, it would take five hours to get there. I figured although I am desperate to see Malina again I needed time to sort myself out. And I doubted I could sit in my car for five hours without ending up submitting to the temptations of blaring out Chris Rea’s “Road to Hell,” If it appeared on my playlist.  I pulled into the village near Queensferry. I chose the place I was stopping at, at random and due to the fact, it was close to the bridge I needed to cross in the morning. I shivered at the forest I had passed to get here, damning myself for not doing my research properly. It was bad enough I was going back to a place with a large wood on its doorstep but stopping my first night in a place I didn’t know which also involved a large mass of trees this was asking for trouble.

Dragging my bag out of the car I got the feeling it was a typical village. Everyone knew each other and from the glances the place I was staying at was one of those inns that was there to more say they had one rather than for tourists. The musky smelling reception even had one of those bells, which I took pleasure in ringing profusely, on the ancient wooden desk.

“Can I help?” A bored voice sounded before an old lady appeared from a back room.

“I booked a room?” I had to question it considering I reserved it online and this place looked as if it hadn’t even seen dial up never mind WiFi. She smiled before shocking me and pulling out a Microsoft Surface tablet. Is it wrong to now expect my room to have a jacuzzi bath and a 40-inch TV with Netflix?

“What’s your name lassie?”

I sighed before giving my name, the familiarity of the Scottish accent made me feel warm inside, finally I felt home for the first time in ages.

“Room 4. It’s just up the stairs.”

No surprise, the room didn’t have a 40-inch tv. I think I am just thankful for the basic bath and TV though. I am just praying this place has hot water. I needed a soak. I didn’t exactly leave Mysie on good terms. She was adamant I wasn’t leaving. To which my reply was something along the lines of, I’m 25 and I can take care of myself. Thinking back at it probably not the right thing to say as that now leaves me wondering if I have a home to go back too. She’ll forgive me. Mysie had a memory of a goldfish, in my teenage years I constantly got away with sneaking out and not doing homework. She’d give me a warning and then give the same telling off the next time I did it.

Checking my phone, I noticed Mysie had tried calling fifteen times, the joys of putting my mobile on silent. Switching the volume back on but before I could even reach the zipper on my bag Pink’s Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely) sounded. I forgot I put that as Mysie’s ring tone before I left, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the relevance now. Nonetheless, I answered it figuring one funeral this year was enough. Sympathy went to Mysie, looking after any teenager or young adult never mind me was enough but she also had anxiety issues, close to being on edge of a panic attack most of the time. I think her memory issues has something to do with the amount of times she disassociates.

“I’m still alive Mysie and no need to call the police on missing person just yet.” Real story, I’ve actually been a missing person five times since moving in with her, each time I’ve shown up with in ten hours of reporting.

“Where are you?” The shrill Newcastle voice came down on me.

“Scotland.”

“You’re visiting your grandmother.” She said not asked.

“No. I’m going to look for Nessie.” I replied sarcastically.

“Blair.” Mysie warned.

“I’ll keep you updated, but I have to do this.” I argued, I heard her huff on the other end, she knew especially with me being this far on the journey she couldn’t argue.

“I know you do. Just whatever happens remember I’m here for you.”

“I know you are.”

“Just keep in contact Blair and stay well.”

Falling back on the bed I found out the mattress isn’t going to be brilliant to sleep on. Talking with Mysie, I now felt guilty for leaving but I had to remember granny. She needed me now, even if she hadn’t seen me in about a decade.

After a day in Edinburgh, mostly shopping, I was in dire need of that bath and then bed. Despite the water didn’t get hotter than lukewarm and the bed was definition of uncomfortable, I felt beat. A brass band could march through and either they wouldn’t wake me up or I’d wake up screaming at them where they could shove each of their instruments and even how they could do it.

“Blair.” The female voice sang softly, it was familiar but still left me confused on if I was dreaming or this was real. I remember falling to sleep… I stood in a forest, surrounded by trees and darkness, I didn’t have chance to process my situation as a light suddenly appeared in the distance.

“Blair.” The musical voice came from the luminous presence.

“Hello?” I walked closer.

“Hello.” A curly red-haired woman smiled. She sat on the floor in a floaty green dress, with turquoise wings, patterned almost like a butterfly’s sticking out of her back. I tried to hide the horror. She was the woman who visited me in my dreams in childhood. However, back then I wouldn’t have recognised the similarities. Now I was older, it hit me. The woman looked like me. Only I didn’t have glitter strands running through my hair or obviously have wings.

“Who are you?” I shook, trying to remember what I called her as a child. I never asked her for her name. She was a fairy that’s all my childhood mind could process at the time. Stranger danger doesn’t apply to fairies or Santa.

“I was called Breena.”

“Was?” Oh god, don’t tell me I now see ghosts.

“It’s a long story. You’ll get to know some day.” Breena said still smirking.

“What do you mean?”

“Your grandmother is dying.” She stated, it wasn’t a question.

“How did you know?”

“Things are going to change for you, Blair.”

“You’re not answering any of my questions!” My temper was really getting the best of me, this Breena may look like me but obviously either knew too well or didn’t know at all how to really piss me off.

“I know everything you know. We are linked but only temporarily. There will come a time where I will disappear, and you will know everything I know.”

“But you’re not real.” I’m not sure if that’s me talking or the hundreds of therapists. Breena laughed before replying.

“As I said. Things are going to change.”

Wet. Something was licking my face. What? I doubted the old lady of the inn could handle a dog. And if she had cats I would know. I’d have been sneezing and in hives as soon as I walked through that door. I opened my eyes to find a dog hovering over me. Not just that but I was outside. In a forest.

“Not again.” I groaned, sitting up shoving my hair out of my face. Reason I hate places with forests. This happens. I’d go to sleep at night and wake up in the sunrise hours in some sort of woods.

“Toby what ye found!” A male voice shouted at the slobbering Labrador. “Aren’t ye cold lassie?” An old man appeared dressed in thick layers, I looked down realising I was only in pyjamas. Cursing in my head? Yes, I was.

“I’m fine. Best be getting back.” I tried to put on a Newcastle accent and laugh about it. Hopefully, he’ll come to the conclusion I’m some air-headed tourist on a hen-do or something what’s gone wrong.

“Are ye sure you’re ok?” He said as him and Toby followed me.

“I’m fine. It’s just a prank gone wrong.” Now thinking of it, the old lady at the inn might get some gossip out of this one. My muddy feet trudged back, I had gone deep into the forest, in the end Eric the owner of Toby walked me to the edge. Thankfully he promised not to say a word. I’m pretty sure though he’ll be back to tell his wife, Shona, everything and she’ll be on the next bus into town to tell all of her hair friends, turns out every Friday she has her hair done. Eric talked a lot on this walk. I think I would have preferred the company of the loopy Toby who ran into every mud puddle he could find, at least my head wouldn’t have been pounding as much and I’d have space to think.

Sneaking in through the front door was an epic fail. I could get away with it with Mysie and my parents but when the old lady was sat by the desk which was by the door, it’s sort of hard to get by. She looked up and down at my mud splattered nightwear and her mouth opened in shock. I didn’t justify it with any lie or excuse. Walking by, smiling at her like nothing had happened. She can make up her own story. Once I get cleaned up and changed, I’ll be leaving anyway.

Paying the lady of the inn I left, leaving a larger tip than I wanted, knowing she had to clean up the muddy footprints. I prayed and made a mental note that I was never returning to that village again. They’d have to kill me and drag my body back there, even then I’ll be dead but screaming I don’t wanna go because trust me I am not going to give up that easily.

Back in my car I was safe, I was awake, and I could finally get to thinking. It had been years since I had seen Breena. Before she used to tell me stories of her world, she was apparently a princess and her husband was a knight. As a child it was believable, but now? Fairy princesses don’t exist. If she was human, I’d have taken her words as a warning however, this figure had practically haunted my childhood is possibly the reason numerous times I have woken up in woodlands and the reason my sanity has been continuously questioned. I’m sorry but nope not believing in it. It was a dream and I am just sleepwalking again due to stress of my granny dying.

It is raining again as I hit the twenty-mile mark to Inverness. Something I’d need to get used to over the next few weeks. Though there was the slight problem that I didn’t exactly know where I’d be stopping over the next few weeks or however long I needed to stay. I mean I wanted to stay as long as granny lived but there was no way I could afford a hotel or paying for somewhere to stay. I hoped I could stay on the sofa in my grandmother’s house although it would be something that my family would criticise, financial help hadn’t really come from that side. I’d battled my way through life getting a part time job as soon as I hit sixteen. Mysie battled with enough demons to be taking care of me and listening to me wondering where my next outfit was coming from.

The roads were empty, sort of surprising. On the road as a child, my dad would constantly joke about how people queued up to see Loch Ness and the beauty of Inverness. I say joke… to be honest maybe he wasn’t joking. The place is beautiful. The constant scenery of Loch’s and greenery. If you get past the grey skies and fog, I was now facing. It wasn’t long before I hit the sign of my home village. Nerves started to heighten, the village was surrounded by forestry. One of the reasons I was glad to move away from here was because of that fact. It was harder to find me in a larger forest I spent a huge amount of my childhood being lost in it. I was back here for a reason. In the beginning I didn’t want to leave, the call back here seemed to become quieter as years went on.

Writing Project- Myths and Lies*- Chapter 12

* Originally Goddess of Change, however after some thinking I’ve decided to change the title.

Hades could be at Zeus’ meeting, which I’m betting is being held on Mount Olympus, right? That must be miles away from the Underworld. I toyed with the end of the white dress, dreading what could happen here.

Maybe Hades is really pissed off, or maybe he is plotting some evil plan. He made it clear he’s determined to get me down here fully. From what I’ve seen and heard his imagination has no bounds and his determination runs with the same rules.

What felt like hours past and Hades still hadn’t shown, I’m both disappointed and relieved. Two emotions I never thought I would feel together.

I wasted time counting and making patterns out of the pomegranates, finding the dry humour when I mindlessly created a smiley face on the floor with them. I wonder what Hades’ reaction would be if I left that there.

Then he appeared.

Standing silently leant against the wall. I looked away from him once he’d looked up from the ground.

“I can see you’re angry with me, I just think that’s unfair.” I muttered, keeping myself busy by picking up a pomegranate. “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t grow up knowing this could happen, or even who I am. From my point of view, you are after me because of my name. Technically you should be forcing my half-sister down here, she fits the rest of the categories.” I continued, Thanatos said she should be the one going through this. However, in that universe, I wouldn’t exist. Like the story, Sarah is the Goddess of spring, where that left me though, I have no idea.

“You think I should be interested in your sister?” He questioned, I wanted to correct him with, “Half-sister,” But again, he is giving me that feeling that would send most people running, possibly screaming, out of the window… Not caring they’re on the thirty-something floor.

His feet appeared at the ground beneath the shiny pomegranate I am staring at. Straight after he snatched it away tossing it to the side.

“Are you dictating what I should and shouldn’t do?” He interrogated. I have a feeling no one has really told Hades what to do, in a while anyway. I didn’t know what to tell him. On one hand, I could call him hypocrite as he’s telling me what to do, forcing me to move down here. I could tell him off for being irrational and controlling. On the other hand, this is Hades, God, ruler, king of the Underworld and we are currently in the Underworld. I knew looking at him whatever I said had ticked him off big time.

“I didn’t mean it!” I almost begged, afraid of the emotion he is showing.

“Turns out, I get to pick that servants punishment. I was going to let you pick the severity but evidently, we don’t understand each other as good as I thought.” He thought out loud. I knew what that means. He is going to let his imagination run wild with Herk’s sentence here in the Underworld.

“I’m trying to tell you this isn’t easy on me.” I restated while sinking to the ground. “At least with my half-sister you’ll have someone who knows and understands you! I grew up in a world that makes me question the sanity of your world! Honestly, when you first appeared I thought you were some escaped mental patient!”

“Yet you still followed me?” He enquired, sounding more interested then angry. He kneeled to the floor in front of me but I’m still not ready for looking at him again yet.

“I don’t know what I’m doing around you. Normally I think things through. With you my brain is actually acting like a teenage one, taking risks. You make me feel normal, despite the fact, I’m definitely not anymore.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” He asked.

“Not when you’ve grown up learning to accept a modern day human reality.” I grumbled.

“I didn’t have the easiest upbringing. I had to cope with fighting my, ‘so called parents,’ while learning to accept the other people they created and two who fought with me as my brothers. If you let it be, it can become easier. I don’t suggest fighting your mother and locking her away from an inescapable prison. You should see what I’m offering you as a way to escape from the prison she holds you in.” I glanced up at him. He wore a concerned look on his face, a look I hardly got. I ignored most things that would concern other people, or I avoided talking about them.

“Wouldn’t that mean this would become my prison?”

“At least I’d give you more options.” He said going into a sulk.

“I want options in the world I grew up in.”

“I’ve told you I’m not giving up easily.” He hovered. I probably need to write it down somewhere, ‘Hades is going to make sure you get here no matter what.’ Forget your life Alexa. I’m stuck in a controlling, eternal life with either, the Goddess of Harvest A.K.A mum, or the God of the Underworld A.K.A the man who gets your panties in a twist.

Morning couldn’t arrive soon enough. I awoke, my arms aching due to my idea of, ‘A five-minute nap,’ I decided to skip going to bed and laid my head on my arms while sitting at my desk. I’m actually considering saying yes to Hades, in hope I’d get a normal night’s sleep.

I groaned in frustration realising it’s early and the possibly of doing anything today is zero. I dragged myself out of my room, in hopes I would find something, anything that would put a little bit of happiness in my day. My stomach is hoping happiness came in the form of pancakes. As I got closer to the kitchen, the smell of maple syrup didn’t hit my nose.

“Morning honey.” Mum greeted, sitting up in the breakfast bar sipping sweet tea. I slumped forward muttering, “Hi,” My mission and attention heading towards the kettle for a caffeine fix in the form of proper tea. Not the decaf fruit variety my mum seems to survive on.

“How was-,” I began to ask then had to think about what name I should have given whatever she ran off too, “-Your meeting?”

“Zeus couldn’t get any answers from him. We still have no idea who he is working for. Unfortunately, I don’t think we will ever find out. Hades has Herk now.” She sighed as the kettle boiled.

“I’m sure once Hades’ head clears, he’ll realise what he’s supposed to be doing.” I shrugged. From what I have experienced, Hades’ head is hardly ever clear. It probably rivals mine on a normal day, only my head doesn’t tend to be as angry as his seems to get at times.

“Alexa, please stay away from him.” She begged. No matter how many people warned me that, I still had the same problem.

“He’s the one who keeps coming to me mum. If it was up to me, I would have run away as soon as this whole thing started. That way no one would be fighting over me.”

“I’m trying to do what’s best for you honey. You have a long time to decide what to do in life, I want to make sure your safe for the start of it.”

“So, what about Sarah? Is she really that safe travelling about the earth? She is Zeus’ daughter I figured that makes her a bigger target.”

“Sarah has her own form of protection. She grew up learning our ways.” If I had the same upbringing as my half-sister, I would be able to control my own life? I mentally screamed, in frustration, at that point. Somehow, I managed to push the emotion back.

“How about you go get dressed and I’ll make you some breakfast?” She then asked, distracting me efficiently. I knew there is no other way to approach this argument, which didn’t involve me having a go at her. Walking away seemed like the only option.

I’m hungry, in a way, it felt like I won… or my stomach has won. I wanted to patch things up with her; we’ve always had little fights. I put that down to the fact she is living with me and she is genetically the only one who could properly order me about when growing up. Either way, I still clung on to her slightly because I had nowhere else to go and she made herself approachable, you couldn’t help but ask for her. Also, I stuck to her because she cared, growing up with one parent, I depended on her for a grown-up shoulder to cry on.

“Mum?” I shouted as I stepped onto the first-floor landing from my attic bedroom. The clean up yesterday meant it took me a while to get ready. Everything’s in a different place, either because I felt like moving it or because it’s hiding the things that appeared from the Underworld.

“Mum!” I’m on the verge of screaming. She wouldn’t have gone out without telling me. I had no luck getting hold of her on my phone after I checked the kitchen.

Normally, if I couldn’t find or get in touch with her she would be out in the garden. I figured she might have been a bit unreasonable saying; Hades’ followers would be waiting for me. Herk yesterday wasn’t under Hades’ orders, technically, I managed to go out yesterday without been kidnapped by something that’s related to Hades. However, I’m not sure if Hades would be more determined today.

“Mum?” I called holding onto the plastic frame of the door while I balanced on one bare foot on the patio. I dared myself to step further out, to see if she could be in the shed at the bottom of the garden. I got to the grass line a few strides away from the open door.

“Mum, this isn’t funny anymore.” I hesitated. I got more worried when the hedge to my left began to rustle.

“Please not now.” I complained at whatever is hiding in the bush. I knew it wouldn’t be Hades; hiding in bushes would be deepest part of the Underworld beneath him. I want to say if my mum has gone, ‘I could do with the company,’ but I’m afraid what will show up, if I just had to announce that I believed in this stuff to get this fate.

I expected another dog but what came out of the hedge I did not expect.

The weird wispy smoke figures, I thought came out of Pandora’s box were heading for me.

I sprinted for the door panicking what could happen. Part of the way there, a heart attack ended up being a possibility as the ghost managed to grab some of my hair. The purple and grey floating figures proved to be abnormal managing to slow me down, it had enough strength to try and hold me for a second.

Thinking, in between the hassle, of it as ordinary smoke, I realised needed to blow or wave it away. With that I picked up the nearest thing, which ended up being a plastic chair. I’m glad Demeter is saving to buy new garden furniture for next summer. The chair managed to blow a hole in the monster as I swung it around.

The smoke broke up enough that it only kept hold of a few stray strands of my hair. Here’s to hoping Hades doesn’t do voodoo or sorcery in his spare time. I got in and closed the door as the smoke figure headed towards me again.

I sat and fell back on the heated linoleum flooring, catching my breath and wondering if I could play dead. Two things were against me, I am apparently immortal and I think trying to convince the God of the Underworld I am dead, will not have a positive outcome.

I had to find out where my mother is and how to stop the advances of Hades, all from a house that felt too big for one person. Also, I have the problem, my supposed father has appeared into my life and I have no way to contact him.

“So, Alexa, you wanted an independent life, you now have it.” I try not to make a habit of speaking to myself, especially when laid out on the kitchen floor. “Although in the original plan, independent life would have started at university. But life has given you the God of the Underworld to marry! Jees this is why I will never play the lottery… Someone shut me up.”

“Do you make a habit of talking to yourself on the kitchen floor?” Wow apparently, my dad can show up.

“No this is a one-time thing.” I said sitting up, if you had come a few moments earlier and could read minds you would have known that. “How did you get in?” Did super house protection not work on God of the Dead? I sort of hoped he found my keys from the other night… I think if he found them it would either mean he was following me, or somehow knew I lost them.

“The protection doesn’t work against immediate relatives. Plus, you called.”

“That does not make sense but nothing does anymore. Whether you have noticed, my mum has gone missing.”

“I’m going to send someone over to protect you.” He declared, no theory about where my mum is. I think he knows where she is. The sending someone over is just to stop me from going crazy, seeing that a few hours by myself I end up on the floor talking to myself.

I’m confused on what side Thanatos is on. Yesterday he appeared with Hades but if he were on Hades’ side, he would be trying to get me to go to the Underworld. I doubted he is fully on my side, considering he works for Hades.

If I did choose officially, that I wanted nothing to do with Hades, Thanatos would probably be considering going on the run by now. I think the whole separation for the past seventeen odd years proves he is not even considering taking my mother’s side.

“Can I invite friends over?” I didn’t want to have more conversations with myself and having a stranger in the house didn’t seem comforting.

It could be one of Hades’ plans driving me to the state that I had to run to him to have some contact with other people- Real people not social friends on the Internet. If I ended up in the Underworld and got left by myself, I may have to find my creative side.

“Yes. I’ll need to give them a check, to make sure they aren’t possessed.”

“Excuse me, one of my friends, practically lives with Athena and I doubt anyone will be interested in possessing my other friend, she occasionally tries to dye her hair with melted Popsicles, sleeps in a freezer and currently has a pet fire breathing chicken.”

He stared at me speechless, I could always count on Yuuki to shut others up. I’m not sure if I should mention she is originally a creation of Clotho. I’m even sure of Yuuki’s existence anymore. It hardly felt like somebody I could go announcing about if certain facts, I thought had been true were now false. Yuuki is anything like my mother’s hidden life; Yuuki might not even be her real name.

This may have been the worse aspect of this new life. Someone I thought I knew, through close friendships and growing up with her, maybe a stranger to me.

I’m starting to get a theory Yuuki stands around the corner waiting for me to call her over. That’s possibly why she’s, in my front garden, dragging a suitcase with her and wearing her pyjamas.

“Yuuki?” I tested, afraid to ask the other questions running through my mind.

“I’m moving in with you!”

“What?” I urged, well now I have new questions.

“Your mum called a few hours ago saying I can move into the spare room.”

“Did she say anything else?”

“I have to make sure I wake you up every four hours.”

“She didn’t say that she was leaving?”

“She left!?” Yuuki looked shocked then engulfed me in a hug, “Nante Koto, I never even thought of the possibility of that happening.” I eased her from me. I toyed with the personal question; I needed to ask it but the way to ask it, I couldn’t find a nice way to say it.

“Yuuki. You’re not my friend because of Clotho, right?” What would I do if the answer is yes? I don’t think I’d be able to cope…

Everything around me had been set up.

“Alexa. Clotho didn’t tell me her plan until a year after I met you! By then I think you knew I was stuck to you like that kid trying to lick the frozen railings. I’m a descendent of Yuki-Onna first and Clotho’s reality thing second. Besides, I had to stick around you. You were the only person who would come within two feet of me and I didn’t have to beat up due to nicking my frozen treats.” I sighed in relief, throwing my arms around her. I had to hold back the tears, I’m happy but I don’t fancy going into the tears of joy thing. Chances are in the current situation, I may be looking at an emotional breakdown. The whole of reality has shifted into what I’d consider, the delusional ward of the asylum.

“So, you are a part of Japanese mythology?” I mumbled, nearly eating her hair, we both refused to let go.

“I guess. I’ve got her genes; it’s an awesome thing, I think. Some people inherit, eye colour and health problems-,” She pulled back with a teeth showing grin on her face, “I inherited the trait of seducing murderess.” Only she would see that as something to smile about.

The original tales told of a woman who lead people into the snow and killed them, or left them in the middle of the blizzard to die. It kind of connected; Yuuki is attracted to the cold but also had the desire to compel people. If she found a man she liked the look of, it is hopeless for him to fight. As far as I know, Yuuki hadn’t killed anyone. Considering she is only eighteen, I may keep an eye on her death rate.

“Come on we will celebrate the last few hours of you been seventeen. I’ll call Sophia.” This means Yuuki is going to throw a monster party, only due to our social circle only involving three of us, monster is an over exaggeration. Although I’m sure if you say the right words Yuuki would be calling everyone on her contact list and flicking through the phone book in no time.

My mum has gone missing and Yuuki is throwing a party, this has to be a bad plan for distraction. I’m not particularly looking forward to this. I doubt any substance Yuuki is getting would help with my issue. On the plus side, maybe it would make tomorrow blur over. Perhaps, won’t remember I have my final test or that I’m housebound oh and it’s my birthday. One thing I felt is sure, my mum wouldn’t be back soon.

Sophia appeared with bags full of things I’m planning on drowning myself in.

“How many people are we allowed to invite over?” Yuuki yelled waving the house phone about, as I took a second mouthful of some overly sweet blue vodka. I knew this isn’t a good idea.

“I don’t care.” I groaned hitting my head on the side of the chair.

“Yuuki put the phone down!” Sophia screamed marching over to her.

“She’s all for it Soph! Besides this isn’t your house!” Yuuki argued, disappearing out of sight, around the doorframe with Sophia’s physical form. However, both could still be heard from my spot.

“It isn’t your house! And she’s depressed! She might agree to anything!”

“Let me get this straight. A massive let’s take your mind off things birthday party isn’t allowed. But giving the depressed girl alcohol is?”

“I’m not depressed! I was! Now I’m just miserable.” I interrupted loud enough that they would hear.

Both their heads appeared around the corner.

“You do realise if you threw a party she’d be that sulking girl in the corner?” Sophia hinted to Yuuki.

“It’s like any other party then, accept she’d be even more socially isolated.” Yuuki shrugged.

“Remind me again. Why am I friends with you two?” I asked.

Yuuki laughed before throwing herself on the sofa, narrowly avoiding me.

“We are the only two, who could put up with you. Besides imagine if Maria and co had to support you through this Goddess thing.” Yuuki shivered with dread at the last part.

“Yeah… She isn’t some weird freaky thing, is she?”

“Part nymph.” Sophia answered.

“She has an affinity with air. That’s why she walks like she is, “Floaty light,”” Yuuki smirked.

“Wait. So that isn’t her snobby, spoilt princess side showing.”

“Well, that didn’t make it any less conspicuous.” Sophia grimaced.

“We totally need to have this party! She’s thought all this time you were some plain boring human.”

“Hey, there is a, “Plain boring human,” In this room!”

“You’re my special ickle human. Besides take your family line back a few generations and you find Athena is your great, great, great grandmother.” It is at the back of my mind, the puzzle of how Athena is Sophia’s aunt. Athena is a Goddess and Sophia other isn’t even half but they are still related by distant blood.

“When you call people special. Will you get rid of that tone that suggests you think they are retarded?” Sophia pointed out bluntly.

“Sophia, my special friend. Can we throw a party?”

“Sarcasm isn’t going to help either. No, you aren’t going to get me drunk enough to say yes.”

“Can we at least make one prank call?”

“Yuuki, you’re eighteen not fifteen.”

She curled up to sulk after that.

“Fine, it’s a party of three then.” The low mood didn’t last long. Yuuki, being Yuuki, didn’t find amusement in alcohol in the bottle. She found amusement in the bottle, by blowing and playing music.

An hour into Yuuki’s plan, the effects of my lifestyle kicked in. I never had much alcohol and I’m running on an empty stomach. Everything is a blur. Sophia resulted to laying me down on the sofa as I giggled at every little thing.

“I think-” I stated only to be quickly interrupted by Yuuki.

“No in your state you do not think, you just breathe, stay on that sofa and do not move. I should have remembered you never really had alcohol before. You’ve had like two alchopops and one shot of sake. If you end up in the Underworld you’d better hope they don’t have any serious parties.” Yuuki ranted.

“Leave her be, she’s had a tough day. Maybe you should sleep it off.” Sophia suggested.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” I groaned.

“If you say you want to go flying, I will hunt down some chloroform.” Yuuki ordered.

“No I think that’s your drunken desire Yuuki.”

“You know, I sort of love you guys, you don’t really get enough credit-” I droned, while waving my arms in the air.

“Again, I will hunt down chloroform if you turn out to be an emotional drunk.” Yuuki warned.

“Have you been watching murder mysteries again?” Sophia demanded. Common thing, if Yuuki watches a murder drama she will spend the next day threatening the cause of death or interesting element in it onto other people.

“We don’t have sleepy smelly things in this house.” I yawned.

“Wow, no calling the chemical by what it’s made up of? Alexa, what are the chances you have everything you need to make chloroform in is house?”

“Hey. You’re the one who suggested this!” Sophia scolded.

“Yes, but I planned this to go on all night. It’s not even ten and she’s out of it.”

“Then you need to be figuring out how to sober me up.” I said, swinging my legs around to sit up.

“No, wait I have an idea!” Yuuki announced. I glanced at her the alcohol making me interested rather than suspicious, “Truth or dare.” Yuuki grinned.

“Right bed!” Sophia commanded, shooting up.

“Why?” Yuuki moaned.

“Alexa is drunk, you take that game way too seriously and far.” Sophia answered as I started giggling finding her serious voice amusing.

“Ok, Alexa, truth or dare?” Yuuki continued.

“Dare.”

“Alexa! Bed!”

“But-.” I tried to say as Sophia tugged me up. Someone is on a mission.

“You do remember she sleeps in the attic, right?”

“Fine, you sleep on the sofa.” Sophia instructed, forcing me to lie back on the couch. Glad, we don’t have a leather sofa now.

Next thing I knew is Sophia’s chasing Yuuki out of the lamp lit living room and sliding the doors shut.

“Okay, I am never, ever, ever, ever, going to drink again.” I groaned to myself, I don’t think I’ll remember this in the morning. I tried flipping over, onto my side, only to fall on the floor with a thump.

“Ow.” I could have got off the floor, but of course I’m not about to.

“Weird,” I yawned, ignoring the moment of the doors opening and closing, stretching out in the narrow gap between the pine coffee table and the sofa.

I might be intoxicated; I still sensed movement creeping on the other side of the table. I still couldn’t be bothered to get up.

“If it’s you ghosty things… Oh I can’t think of anything, leave me alone,” My threat ended up as a groan. I doubt I am going to scare anything off soon. I came up with the theory; it might have been Yuuki, it made me I feel less bothered, although I expected her to jump out any second.

Something or someone suddenly grabbed my bare leg then pulled it. My left leg is straight, no longer leaning on my right that is curled up on the side of the wooden table. My mouth got covered quickly silencing the scream that I didn’t even have the chance to vocalise.

The owner of the hand hushed me. My heart decided then it is going to practice Olympic style gymnastics. Fighting that feeling, I whimpered under his hand in fear.

There is no way he can be here.

Hades swapped his hand and pressed one finger against my lips.

I wanted to know how he got in. I also thought of asking, “Why?” But I may already have the answer to that. This led me to question that I should be asking myself. Why am I not making escape plans?

“How?” I finally mumbled against Hades finger. He sat back allowing me to sit up, which isn’t that much of a good idea, I ended up leaning against the sofa facing him while he’s sitting sideways to me.

This could end up awkward, if I had learned anything; alcohol damaged what is left of my, ‘shut up,’ button. I have enough restraint, thankfully, to not go on a drunken girly giggly fit because I find him handsome.

Hades reached in his jeans pocket and pulled out a pink keychain. I’ve found my keys! I doubt Hades is making a sneaky secret house call to give me back my keys.

I made a grab for the keys only for him to pull them back and me to fall forward. My natural reaction is to put my hands out in front of me. I wasn’t thinking where I put them. My left arm just missed skimming Hades’ chest, my other hand landed on his left inner thigh. Blood ran to my face. My heart won gold in gymnastics.

I wanted to move back but as I looked up at him I’m trapped. I’m still getting used to being this close to a guy this long. Normally, I would be running at this point. I should be screaming.

Moments later I finally got my arm to obey and pulled it away while I tried to make more room in between us. I could feel my body try and push back in protest when I did.

“You shouldn’t be here.” I grumbled turning, sitting sideways to him. I’m trying to ignore everything else my mind and the alcohol is saying.

“Well you shouldn’t be drinking. I guess we are both breaking the law.” He argued back. I believe in a game of chess; he would be calling check by that point.

“It’s not illegal if it is in the person’s own home.”

“Only if said person is supervised by parent or guardian.”

“Why are we talking about me being under aged by a few hours when you’re doing the trespassing? Pretty sure you’d get longer in jail.”

“Well start screaming then,” He threatened leaning into the space I had made.

I could see him staring at me, daring me, out of the corner of my eye.

I’m conflicted.

It isn’t because he is there which made me scream. It is the argument in my mind about what I should do.

When Yuuki and Sophia ran in, Hades had disappeared, leaving me speechless.

“What’s wrong?” They both demanded leaning on the doors.

“I thought I saw something.” I blurted, thinking of no other excuse. Both, of them sighed and Sophia rolled her eyes.

“Right, I’m getting the camomile tea out.” Sophia declared walking off.

“What did you see?” Yuuki asked sounding interested or she could have seen though my lie, “First time I got drunk, I thought I saw a dancing lantern… Turned out in the morning. I was actually seeing a dancing lantern… It was a Chochinobake or a paper lantern ghost or a type of Tsukumogami.” She droned, even when I’m drunk, mythology haunts me. Adding Japanese in there made me more confused.

“A what-a?”

“It’s an object what has reached their 100th birthday, it’s believed that they have become alive and aware,” Still made no sense.

“Tea and blanket.” Sophia announced.

They didn’t leave until I was on the sofa half asleep. I tossed over onto my side curling up, listening to Yuuki and Sophia’s conversation or I tried. My ears were more focused on little movements then any words. I listened for any movement that could signal that Hades is hiding in the room.

I tried to stay awake. I learned ages ago, you couldn’t fight the inevitable.

(Poem) Borderline Personalty Disorder

It’s no secret. I have a diagnosis of Bipolar and Borderline Personalty disorder.

I found though that the Borderline has probably robbed me more of my life than the bipolar.

Treatment plans have changed, because of the Borderline they can’t/won’t treat the bipolar.

I just wanted to write down some of my thoughts while going through this as I’m going through another rough patch due to coming down off of medication also it’s coming up to the 4th anniversary of when I tried to take an overdose and ended up in psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks. September is usually a bumpy month.

How did I get here?

To this place where everything seems so raw and out of control?

Each passing word, glance even smile has to have some underlying negative meaning.

I didn’t choose to be like this.

I wonder when did this all start?

It didn’t happen overnight.

Slowly it crept into me like some sort of virus.

Only this virus I’ll never get over.

“You’ll learn to cope.” They say.

They don’t have to live with this.

They don’t have to live with the constant threat of each emotion turning into fire.

It burns through taking no prisoner till I’m left shouting, “No more. I can’t take this.”

Everyone I meet at some point becomes my enemy as I cannot trust them.

“They’ll leave in the end,” The voices say.

I want to scream and reply, “No they won’t.”

But at that point the damage has been done.

I’ve distanced myself away from everyone.

The fear of abandonment isn’t actually a fear if you have no one.

This black and white thinking they keep talking about?

I fight to see the world in colour.

The blue sky, the green grass, the autumn colour on trees.

Then the darkness settles in.

I can’t control it.

The colour soon starts to fade.

My energy starts to decay.

The butterfly of hope flies away offering no support, soon getting caught in a spiders web.

“You’ll get through this, you always do.”

What’s the use of those empty words for an empty girl?

How did I get here?

I used to have plans.

I used to be in control.

I used to think I had a future.

Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 11

I could easily get out of here, nip to school, pick a few things up and head back. Drinking the rest of my tea, I saw this as more of a test. If I could make it out the front door and the garden, then it couldn’t be that much of a problem. My mum had disappeared again; I ran across the hall heading to the front door.

When I got out of the gate, I figured it’s safe enough to walk. Gradually, paranoia swamped me, whilst my journey continued. Normally taking the back route to the school is left for emergencies, it’s a path in between two rows of semi-detached houses. No one would ever think I was going this way. That’s what I thought anyway.

I jumped out of my skin when I heard my name being sung out, there was no one around, but it gave me enough proof that someone knew I am here. Freaking out, I scrambled over the nearest fence before thinking of it.

I landed in the garden that had the sprinklers on. My attention got brought off the detail, I am getting soaked and onto the fact the owner of the house, is standing, staring at me looking unimpressed.

“Hi, Iris.” I muttered, unsure if I should be approaching her or climbing back over the fence. The seriousness of her face made something make sense in my head.

 I wanted to groan out loud but I managed to hold it back. Iris, Goddess of… I looked around at the water shining off the sun… Rainbows.

“Who do you want me to call?” She probed. I knew the actual question is who do you want me to contact to collect you? Hades or your mother?

“Can you just forget this?”

“Get in my house. I’ll call someone.” She instructed. She is in charge of rainbows but she doesn’t suggest the sunshine, lollipop song with that attitude.

I have never been in her house; I only knew Iris through my mum. Iris’ hallway, which is where I stopped, is predominantly blue. I began to wonder if other rooms of the house were strictly block rainbow colours. Iris left into a different room, to get the phone.

Taking that to my advantage, I darted out of the front door.

I ran to the one place I figured I knew better than anyone. Once I got far into the maze of trees I leant back against a trunk, gripping my hair at its roots. I got distracted moments later. A few brown leaves dropped on me. It’s mid-summer the leaves shouldn’t be dropping.

“Alexa!”

Hearing my mum’s voice, I freaked. I could have continued to run on ground but I would get out of breath and be easier to get. I went with my strengths; I climbed the tree I had been against.

 Someone decided, sometime in my childhood, to try and build a platform far off the ground. Either my subconscious predicted I’m going to do this and decided to make me run out of breath near this tree, or for once I’m lucky.

 Once I got to stand on the platform, Iris, my mother and Hades were below me. It looks as if Iris called both, or one of them overheard I am on the run.

“Are you sure she went this way?” My mum asked Iris.

“She headed in the direction of the woods. I’m only guessing she could be here.” Iris informed.

Hades said nothing; he stood propped against the base of tree I’m standing on.

“Shouldn’t you be helping?” Mum demanded pointing at Hades.

“I could. But I’m enjoying this too much.” I could imagine the smile on his face. “Besides you wouldn’t like the deal I’d purpose.” He continued, this made mum storm off followed closely by Iris. Hades stayed by the tree, till my mum was out of eyesight, he then stepped forward.

“Are you going to stay up there all day?” Hades called. Out of shock and hoping he’d think he’s wrong, I stayed quiet. How could he know? I made sure I didn’t make any sound or sign of the possibility that I would be around here.

“Persephone.” He said, like he knew what I am hoping that I wanted him to think he is wrong.

“You can’t make me come down.” I shouted back.

“Sure. Honestly, you’re going to have to come down from there soon.” Tiredness and hunger, were all things he is probably hoping would bring me down. I had to find another way down from here. I slumped against the trunk of the tree, trying not to admit defeat.

“How did you know I’m up here?” I questioned softly. Come to think of it, this is about the second time he’s known something when I hadn’t given any sign. The first time, when we met in the red room, he knew I my thoughts were flustered and I wanted to be taken away from all this.

“Shinigami blood, remember. If you’re close enough, I’ll find you.”

“What about this whole thing, what makes it look like you are reading my mind?”

He gave out a short snicker, “I don’t find you that hard to read. When it looks like you’re over thinking things it is actually quite amusing.” Yuuki and Sophia had pointed that out to me before, to the point at exams they tried smuggling popcorn in.

 “I can’t find her!” Demeter exclaimed nervously, marching back.  Hades had a similar reaction to mine, only I had to hold back my laugh. I still listened into the conversation while looking for a place to go. Besides dropping fourteen feet down there isn’t anywhere to go. Going up isn’t really an option, I am afraid if I fell the height it might hurt more. My only other option, jumping onto another branch across from me seemed like the best option.

“What are you so amused about?” Mum demanded. I am calculating how far I would have to run and jump across this branch to get onto the next tree.

Something must have hinted to her to look up.

“Alexa!” She screamed. I am amazed that didn’t make me fall off. “Get down this instant!”

“I’m not coming down!” I yelled back, not sure if I should be going through my demands on what it will take to get me down.

Not that anyone would agree to my demands.

“Alexa, this is childish!”

“Yes mother, this is. But considering you seem to want to keep me at home for the rest of my life, you must want a child!”

I ran at that point, unnerving only when I leaped. My hands slipped on the rough wood, the bandage catching in the crevices probably saving me more, surprisingly the hand injury doesn’t hurt. Finally, I succeeded getting grip on the branch above and pulling my weight onto it. My mother’s anxiety showed at that point. I hadn’t made it to the branch I wanted but at least I’m still on a tree and not on the ground.

“We have to get her down.” Iris muttered, as I made it onto sitting on a tree arm. “Hades can’t you-.” Iris began to ask.

“What? And stop my fun? I haven’t seen Demeter squirm this much since 1816, when there wasn’t a summer.” He chuckled.

“Alexa! Please come down!’ My mum pleaded. I sighed, leaning back. If I came down now, that would be giving into them.

“Let’s leave her for a while.” Hades said. I peeked out to look below me. The women in the group were looking up at me with questioning looks, like they were expecting me to do something stupid. Hades isn’t making eye contact with me at all. Instead I got the sense, as he is staring at Iris and my mother, he is waiting for them to leave.

“Alexa. You’d better be home soon!” My mum shouted, I’ll give her credit, she had found her brave face, making it sound like we were on the phone and she is requesting me back from a trip to the shops.

I wanted to sigh in relief that they were finally giving up. Even Hades stunned me by walking away. Once the area underneath my branch became clear, I began to get suspicious that someone, who had left, would jump out once I got down. I knew I couldn’t stay up here for long. The width of the branch meant one wrong move and I would slip and fall off. On a snap decision, I began to climb down after waiting a while making sure no one is out there.

 Every few steps, I kept looking back. That is my mistake, not looking where I am going. I ended up running into something, something turned out to be someone. I looked up to find, I had run into the side of Herk.

I can’t exactly ask what he is doing here. I am on the edge of the forest running into someone, who appeared to have been casually jogging on the pavement; I appeared to be the odd one.

“S-Sorry.” I stuttered. I guess he is unlucky. A moment later and I would have missed him.

He laughed lightly, before holding out a hand to drag me out of the shrubbery, “It’s ok.” He then proceeded to pick, what I could guess as nature life out of my hair.

         “What were you running from?” He then asked as we began to walk forward down the path.

“My imagination,” I sighed stepping to the side to create a gap. The uncomfortable proximity feeling is appearing, angry that I had let him help me up.

         “Having trouble adapting?” He asked. I paused to stare at him then groaned while rolling my eyes.

“Is everyone in this flaming town in this, apart from me?” I screamed, gaining the attention of an elderly couple gardening over the road.  A strained look crossed Herk’s face.

“Well, not everyone. A few select people. It’s a small town, I can say about a quarter of the population of this town might have a connection to us.”

“Do me a favour. You’re strong, right?” I started; Herk did the vain thing of smirking as he glanced at the muscle on his arms. “Hit me hard enough on the head, to give me amnesia, hopefully, I’ll forget about this thing.”

“Not happening.” He laughed. “Besides, now you know, it will keep coming back to haunt you.”

         I whimpered, falling back onto the slanted side in between the long grass that grew there.

“Leave me here then.” I groaned, defeated. He did the opposite.

“Come on lazy. I know you’re a modern-day Goddess but you still have a standard to keep up.”  I really want to go back to the world where, “Modern day Goddess,” Is a compliment, not a job title.

         I underestimated his strength or maybe I overestimated how much I weighed. He pulled me up and began carrying me down the path. I screamed as he tossed me under his arm to carry me comfortably. Normally, when been dragged backwards, I freaked because I couldn’t see where I am going. In this case, the proximity and the fact I couldn’t see where we were going, is the reason I felt like a lost wimpy kid facing the prospect of going in a haunted house.

“Herk. Please put me down!” I coughed.

“Calm down, Persephone.”

         “Don’t call me that!” Why is he calling me that now? Many people at school, especially in my form, knew my middle name. They knew, never to speak of it, never mind say it to my face. “Put me down!” I demanded, trying my best to hit him, only my modesty made me avoid hitting is butt. It isn’t long before we reached the end of the street that led onto a field.

Herk threw me onto the ground. My self-restraint on my anger began to crumble, getting to be fed up of the treatment I had been through the past few hours.

“Who are you?” I screeched. Believing the name, ‘Hercules,’ is a cover to get on his good side. Ok, to me he was another person up till a few days ago. If I did come into this mythology belief thing easily, it would be a common first thought Hercules is probably a good guy… Judging him from the Disney movie anyway.

         He came closer, I tried to move back only to run out of space because of a wooden fence. On the bright side, at least it isn’t an electric fence. I gulped; he got closer and knelt on his knees.

“I’m on a job from someone who wants you to stay away from Hades.” Hasn’t everyone seen me trying to run away from him? Consider me warned, I’ll try and stay away from him! You’re going to have to deliver him a similar message though!

Herk, grabbed my chin smirking.

I flinched and attempted to smack him away only to fail. His hand then began to wander up my thigh. My reaction is to tell him where to go and kick him in the leg, which gained me an evil glare.

“She told me to keep an eye on you, but I guess I deserve a bit of fun. Your blood at the moment could cause quite a bit of chaos in the mortal world.” That threat boiled under my skin, he’d come here to bring me a warning and he is throwing the whole world into the plan.

“Don’t touch me.” I sneered, batting away his hand; it seemed useless trying to push his full body away.

         “What are you going to do? You probably don’t even know what your power is yet.” He grinned. I snapped at that point. I wasn’t born with a short temper. There is probably a good reason for that.

“I have had enough!” I screamed at the same moment I kicked my legs from under him and shoved him back with some unknown strength. “I am fed up with you people messing with me.” I yelled, standing over him with one foot holding him down.

The thought, “Could I get away with murder?” Crossed my mind, going as far as to imagine snapping his neck. Well he did want to torture me I call this self-defence. Pretty sure Gods and Goddess’ before me have killed for less.

He can easily knock me off. I’m not sure if he is petrified or just unable to move. His chest showed no signs that he is breathing, but there were still signs of life in his eyes, that for me is enough to go on.

“Since this whole bloody thing started it has been one gigantic torture Alexa moment! If I include you, I’ve had two possibly three attempts on my life! I do not care if I am immortal!” I fumed, pressing my foot down on him further. I could have gone on. Out of nowhere, I got hauled backwards.

“Persephone, calm down.”

‘Let me go! I need to kill something!” I shrieked; kicking with every step back Hades took. Thanatos is in front of me helping Herk, who took a big gulp of oxygen.

         “What were you doing?” Thanatos commanded.

“She was trying to kill me, the insane-.” He gained a few angry glances for that.

“Insane?” I mimicked through gritted teeth. Hades clamped me further down holding me against him as I struggled more to attack Herk. I elbowed Hades in the stomach, making him inaudibly hiss in pain but he still didn’t give up. “That was self-defence moron! Unless you can come up with some proof, pinning a girl up against a fence saying, “You were going to use her blood to throw the mortal world into, chaos,” Doesn’t seem like a threat in this age!”

         “What?” Hades’ restraint is off me but he was in front of me before I could launch myself forward.

“It was a joke.” Herk tried to laugh. Fear crossed Herk’s face as Hades stepped forward.

“You should know we do not take these kinds of threats lightly.” Thanatos said calmly. “You’re old enough to know, threatening anyone with a close connection to the three brothers has its consequences. Threatening to take a new God or Goddesses blood is enough that Zeus will be involved.”

 Herk has ticked two boxes there. Messing about with Hades, Poseidon or Zeus? Check off the box Hades and then tick the other thing Thanatos mentioned.

“If you are lucky, he will decide your punishment.” Hades sneered grabbing Herk by the throat. “If I get to decide I won’t hold back. You know I’m the more imaginative one.”  He smirked evilly. Even I felt a shiver, when Hades said that. It was enough to send my, “Ms Hyde,” State running to the back of my head.

“Take him.” Hades announced, aggressively shoving Herk back towards Thanatos, who then disappeared.

         “I could have handled myself.” I said stubbornly, before Hades could turn to me.

“The way you were handling it; he would have died. From the looks of things, you didn’t even know you were killing him. I don’t think you are ready to handle the emotional responsibilities of killing someone yet.” He said turning to me and then placing a hand on the side of my face.  Immediately any negative emotion that remained melted away. It is like as he delicately stroked the skin of my cheek he was erasing the angry part of my mind. What he said slowly made sense. If I had been responsible of killing Herk, once my head had cleared and I realised what I had done I would have been a wreck.

         “Who is he?” I finally inquired, wanting to know the truth of who had been in my class for the past decade.

“He’s a follower of the Underworld. God’s occasionally prolong the lives of their worshipers to sort out their work on earth… That man who brought you to me in the enclosed temple is also in that league…” He then paused, thinking for a second, “Let’s go for a walk.” Hades suddenly said. I’m surprised and confused, isn’t this supposed to be the moment where he forcefully tries dragging me off to the Underworld? He smiled taking my hand, walking me back down the road I had been carried down.

“It’s your birthday in one day, right?” He asked. The old gardening couple glanced up. This time, instead of giving a look in disgust due to my behaviour, they seemed more nervous. My theories were they either knew who Hades is or Hades’ gives off an aura and it spreads to the nearest living thing. For my sake, I’m hoping the first. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to cope trying to accept the actual existence of auras and people actually being able to feel them.

         “Yes.” I sighed. Following him back into the woods. To others, a man leading a girl into a forest may seem like cause for concern. Weirdly, I didn’t feel suspicious about it with him being here.

“You don’t seem excited.”

“I’ve been told I’m going to live forever. Birthdays hardly seem a big thing now.”

“Enjoy them when you can.” He laughed lightly, “Or else you’ll definitely be in trouble when you get to my age.”

         “Yeah, the age thing doesn’t make you seem too attractive.” I giggled; he pulled a face. Distracted in my laughter he pulled me down onto the grass.

         “So, I’m not attractive?” He said his form hovering over mine.

“I didn’t say that!” I pouted. Even if I could help it, his arms either side of my head meant I couldn’t exactly look anywhere but his face.

“Oh, so I am attractive?”

“I didn’t say that either!”

“Really, Persephone you could hurt a guy’s feelings.”  I gave him an unimpressed look for using the P name. “I’m not calling you anything different. When we are alone anyway.”

         “This has turned into a weird walk.” I noted.

“I guess it has.” He said, looking up then moving off me.

“Fine, I guess, you are attractive then.” I shrugged sitting up. Hades turned his head in break neck speed, showing a menacing yet seductive smile. I tried to look scared but the captivating smile, made me eager in anticipation.

I wanted to live in that cloud where Hades put me in my head; at least I would stop worrying. I’m not sure I could cope with living in that cloud all the time, especially when it means my body would have to live in the Underworld.

“Stop in the Underworld with me.” He smiled; he knew he had me under his spell.

 I almost agreed to go.

“I don’t think I want to.” I mumbled, almost inaudible to ears as I shook my head. Hades let out a sigh of frustration making me jump slightly.

         “Damn it, Persephone.”  He growled, I guess he was certain flirting and seduction would work. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do this. Start saying your goodbyes. Because I’m getting you and I don’t care if you have decided or not.” He kissed me, forcefully like to leave a mark before leaving me on the ground shocked and scared.

         Somehow, I wandered home not realising where I am until my mum spoke to me as the door clicked shut behind me.

“I have to head out; Zeus needs to see me about… that incident that you were involved in. I’ll be back later. Food is on the side, try and get some sleep. Do not go out.” She yapped, moving around while fussing with her coat and ensuring her appearance is perfect. It showed how much attention she is putting in her appearance considering she is telling me to try and get some sleep.

         “Be careful, okay.” She smiled, softly pecking me on the forehead before leaving. I slumped into the kitchen passing whatever my mother had cooked, which she left on the island, and headed to the cupboard with the chocolate spread. Once grabbing the jar, ignoring any cutlery and began dipping my fingers into the chocolate. Well, I’m the only person who really eats it anyway, so my chocolate spread, and my germs, my DNA.

 I crawled up to my room with my, ‘dinner,’ not looking forward to tonight’s sleep. I am tired enough to admit I needed to sleep but I am also debating going on a caffeine binge till I’m sure Hades might have calmed down.

The tiredness ended up talking me into a, “Five minute,” Nap thinking it wouldn’t hurt and I would wake up in a short while.

Journal of a bipolar, emotionally unstable girl in a crisis house.

Wednesday the 10th of January my depression cycle hit it was decided on the 17th it would be beneficial if I was put in a Mental Health Crisis House, hospital was full, there I was told to keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings. I have decided to share what I wrote just to show everyone and myself that there is some kind of hope for those who experience mental health problems, things will gradually get better the cycle won’t last forever. My depression was that bad I actually became delusional (believing things that aren’t true) but as this shows with help my thoughts and feelings slowly changed for the five nights I was in the house. I’m now out of the crisis house and looking at putting my life back on track with a few projects in the pipeline. There might be a few times where I repeat myself but that was part of my thought process though the illness.

Day 1

There’s probably a million words I could write but I don’t know how to write them.

Thoughts in my head echo like bad memories, each providing their own form of torture because they won’t shut up. The voices as well don’t seem to shut up. The voices as well don’t seem to want to stay quiet, one is screaming, one is telling me words of abuse such as, “You’re not worth it.” And, “It’s just going to get worse next time.” Then there’s Nemo, the voice who’s been there the longest. It feels like she has taken control of everything. I’ve retreated back. It doesn’t feel as if my movements, my words are my own. Maybe things are getting better as it’s coming clear that I’ve got some control. I still believe I don’t have all of it.

When people ask what’s keeping me alive, I say, “I don’t know.” Truthfully I don’t know. There is some external force that keeps working to keep me alive. I can’t die. I’m stuck on this planet. Stuck in this reality waiting to wake up to the world I was in before where I could just get on with life and everyone was happy.

I’m fed up of my mood being like this. I know I need to learn to live with this. At the moment I don’t think I’m living the voice I hear have more of a life than me, at least they are free to do what they want. They can say what they want, do what they want, whereas, I’m stuck here inflicting pain and suffering on others because they dared to care.

One psychiatrist asked me, “Why do I want to be ill?” Like I have a choice

Maybe I do.

If that world, that other universe, I belong in exists.

I don’t want to be like this! I don’t enjoy my mood going up and down being totally different people! I don’t have dissociative identity disorder but at times I think it feels like it. There’s like huge cracks between my moods where my sanity and stability fall into when my mood changes. It’s ok people telling me to distract myself, or you’ve been through this before you know the cycle will end. But they aren’t the ones who have to pull themselves up from the bottomless pit. I can’t plan far in advance, the negative voice always reminds me that the next one is always around the corner.

“What do I want to do in life?” I WANT TO LIVE. But my stability won’t let me. I could say, I can say, I want to be an artist, a writer or whatever but I can’t manage it when even my creativity is controlled by my mood.

Before this cycle I thought, I had come such a long way but now I feel like I’ve taken 101 steps back. I’m not worried about the review coming up. I’m worried about if the psychiatrist doesn’t see it from my point of view. For the sake of everyone I need the medication. I have this belief, that maybe, they just want to kill me. My mood going this low, I can really believe it. With the high I didn’t sleep although I did a lot of work but this crash is borderline deadly.

I feel like each time I go through this although it’s been getting worse, my cry for help gets weaker. I feel like curling up in a ball screaming while it feels like someone is twisting my insides and brain for me to scream louder. There was a point in this depression cycle where I couldn’t talk, people had to lip read. I had no idea where my voice had gone but in a way it made things better, I couldn’t scream like I wanted. However, it made the distress worse. I could only sit there and rock.

My mum said before I came to this crisis home that she thought she failed as a mother..I hate myself for that. It’s like my brain chemistry, is trying to destroy everything, I had this belief when I was an adolescent that I was some kind of scientific experiment. Every time I was hurt I believed that it was people collecting data and that me now is the end result. I am the result of some experiment maybe they knew that through everything they had put me through was going to result in about 2 official mental illnesses and god knows what else. If that’s the case the experiment succeeded, if it had failed maybe I’d have been killed off they might have found some way I can die.

I don’t believe I truly belong in this world. I’m waiting to be collected even rescued by someone or something from a different world. That’s why it’s hard for me to believe in this one. It’s like screaming at the world, “The humans have done their damage please HELP!”

The humans might know I don’t belong here that’s why they did all this. All of the name calling, leaving me behind and making me feel alone. I had to take the world on by myself because it felt like no one noticed me until there came a time where they needed someone to pick on.

Can I trust anyone? Not fully. I can’t trust their thoughts. I can’t risk their judgements. I can’t trust because emotions like love seem foreign to me. I get stressed when ever someone shows that kind of interest. Maybe the experiment failed in some way if they were trying to make a psychopath.

I don’t trust people but there are people I depend on probably too much. I’ve gone from someone who depend on no one to someone who clings onto people when they get to a certain stage of a relationship it might be the emotionally unstable personality disorder that made me like this.

My mood started to go up when I was about 15. It was like mentally I had to escape from all the negativity in my world the voices came around then as well. Happily I lost control, but as I experienced the depression I didn’t care about it. Death became my best friend I used to imagine the dark figure following me. Maybe that’s what keeps saving me. He doesn’t want me to die. Maybe he’s waiting for me to do something worth while with my life. Shoot me down while I’m at my highest. My current mood tells me I’m no good for anyone or anything which is a 180 turn from what it was like last month where I was the best thing on this planet.

Day 2

Things have started to become clearer. The reality I saw in the past week looks more false than yesterday. There are still things I am questioning thing that I will always question. Do I actually belong here on this Earth? Am I human? Am I just that experiment I believe I am?

I’m starting to feel less dissociated. I’m getting control back bit by bit. The voices are fading but still reminding me they’ll be back sooner or later. I’m trying to remind myself that I can make it through it like I have this time but doubt I’d always there. If I loose control go into some state of delirium again who’s to say that side of me won’t try and end everything for me? This thought of immortality, I’m wondering where it came from? I don’t class myself as, “Immortal.” Everything has to die at some point even vampires can be killed in sunlight etc. I had an obsession with vampires but the thought I can’t die was here way before that. I’d beg for death to take me when I was about 8 I think that’s where it comes from, that’s when we made friends.

I still look in the mirror and don’t recognise me. My sanity is slowly coming back. I think my body is still showing scars of what I’ve been though over the past week. There still seems to be a block in my head stopping be from thinking. I want to be able to get out of here be that happy creative person, but that cement block holds me back. Well that’s until the sledgehammer hits it too hard and then the high side begins to bleed though.

I sometimes I feel like I am fighting for nothing the voices say it would be easier if I was dead. I’m now on that border of emotion which is reminding me I’ll be missed, I hope there will be someone out there who will miss me. I go through this thought process that everyone leaves in the end. They go on and get lives if feels like I’m stuck to be this person who is ill. That’s my job title the mentally and physically ill girl. Growing up I was the girl with the weird birthmark now I’m just the girl who has a ridiculous amount of chronic illnesses.

I think I’ve always been different even before the emotionally unstable personality disorder and the bipolar showed their faces. No one understood me even when they bullied me for things such as my voice. I had to shut up and be shy to keep away from people. Maybe the problem is I don’t understand them. Why do they hurt each other? Why can’t they accept the fact we are different?

I went out today. The fire of anxiety messing up my head and insides only showed itself a few times, which is different to the arsonist I appeared to be over the past week. I think I still have some healing to do. Depression is still lingering like the monster it is. It is slowly dawning in me I might have won this battle. Unfortunately I realise it’s a life long war. In the end, even if it does win, I wouldn’t have wanted it too on a good day.

Day 3

As things become clearer, those million words which have been hard to say or write. I realise without even thinking I have said some of them. I may be on to some road of recovery but I know far from stable. I still feel tired that one small thing could send me spiralling again.

I don’t want to go back into that dark place but I have no choice. It’s a war I didn’t choose to fight but was forced into.

I’m at home for a few hours, before I go back into the crisis house and anxiety is slowly eating at me expecting something bad to happen. Making me realise I’m probably not ready to go home yet.

Day 4

Tomorrow I will leave here. Today’s aim is to make sure I’m ready for it. Looking back at the past 2 weeks it’s amazing how much this illness can take over to a point I don’t even recognise who I was. As well as the no make up or hair piece, my personality and who I was, was someone completely different. I hope that side never returns or at least never getting that bad but it feels like I don’t have a choice in that matter. Brain chemistry will do its work.

I still feel that depression monster at the back of my head, it’s slowly creeping back into his box. I’m not sure if the happy feeling is just that, I’m happy I’ve made it through this or it’s another manic phase trying to make her way through. I had a manic phase before this depression. Part of me wants to believe it won’t be her but only time will tell.

I’m choosing to stand my ground about everything. At the moment I need to recover from this, I want to recover from this. Yes it’s a life long illness but I can’t be a victim to this.

Day 5

Last day here. It’s sort of weird, when I first came in here it was like, I couldn’t find any hope. Now I am counting the minutes to leave. Watching out the window at the birds digging through the leaves. It’s a change from the me before who would just sit there in a chair only being able to focus what’s happening in or around my head. I look back amazed that I could write everything down on my first day here. I guess I have more troubles then originally thought.

I’ve also realised some of the things weren’t true. Ok, some of them I still have my suspicions but I don’t think the world needs to know. They are not eating at me saying them I’m such a way that it sends my mood further down.

Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

 

 

I lay on the comforting rouge carpet on my side, still feeling tired. Exhaling, I tossed over onto my back. The ceiling seemed too high for this room; I almost expected something to sweep down from the black surface. I closed my eyes to block it out, unable to ignore the creepy feeling. It is like Hades has designed this room to give an uncomfortable impression whenever I’m left alone in here.

I suspected he’s near, although I’m early from our normal meeting time. I still didn’t move, if he could see me, he might think I’m asleep and leave.

Instead of going, Hades moved closer.

The jolt of being lifted made me open my eyes to find I’m being cradled. Hades shifted the top of my dress down slightly to look fully at the new mark. He seemed to show some interest to it.

Looking at the mark, the circle was now a silver colour and inside it is a black tree covered in bronze and red leaves. My mind wondered to other things that didn’t involve decoding semiotics. It felt awkward enough with a guy knowingly staring at my chest and a tattoo I couldn’t really explain.

“What does yours look like?” I thought out loud. I peeked up at him and his soft smile. He moved his arms, and continued to remove his t-shirt.

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