Nyctophobia (2014), is a phobia` characterised by a severe fear of the dark. It is triggered by the brain’s disfigured perception of what would, or could, happen when in a dark environment.
Chances are we all had a time when we were afraid of the dark as a child, it’s where the monsters lurked. The trouble is when you are afraid of the dark when you are an adult. I have a phobia of sleep and I’ll admit part of it is down to those irrational thoughts that my brain is telling me. “If you sleep something will come and get you.”
Independence- the ability to live your life without being helped or influenced by other people
What does Independence mean to you?
Freedom, it’s that light that offers some form of hope, a way out, when things feel too dark and you feel too tired to keep on fighting though everyones boundaries. I get trapped in that forest, of darkness and chains too often feeling the pressures of those around me but it’s remembering to look up at the way out which is difficult when you are focused on the troubles in front of you
-Under Current projects, Mental Health Project
22nd of September till the 7th of October 2014 I was hospitalised due to my mental health. There the only things I was really allowed to keep for hobbies were a sketch book some pens and a writing book. I tried to do a sketch each day to show one of my thoughts or feelings.
One of the psychiatric nurses actually saw some of my sketches and commented
“There’s not much colour in these is there?”
My reply- “Well I only have black and grey pens.”
Her answer- “But you didn’t go looking for colour either.”
This made me realise when I actually did start adding more colour into my pictures (More towards my release date) My mood was lifting. Art can be a powerful thing but an Occupational therapist told me people can start dressing darker and that’s when they know they are going to be ill (Due to me dressing darker anyway I had to make a joke that when I get ill I must start dressing more colourful) but maybe I should look out more in my art work what colours and what the mood of the picture is to see what my mental state is.
There was also this picture-
Now I know I use a lot of clocks/ clock work in my work, the psychiatrist also saw some of my work via my phone and in a way I was psychoanalysed-
Nurse- “You draw a lot of clocks don’t you?”
Nurse- “Do you know why?”
Nurse *Turns to a picture in my mini sketch book and shows it.*- “You’ve shown the answer in this. I think you connect time with your mood disorder, you know each cycle will end but it’s as you mentioned it can be stressful waiting and coping with it. All this clock work, probably represents it’s haunting you, you’ve mentioned you want it all to stop or freeze to give you a break, so maybe this is the way you process it, looking through the cogs and the clocks you are trying to find that part of you that needs fixing that will stop time, your bipolar and other symptoms,”
All the work I did-
There’s no Hope
If it Wins…
Life’s a Pattern
My mood one day