Painting- Centennial, Fallen Poppies

Fallen Poppies (2017)

This painting is mainly a link to my childhood. I grew up in a small town in the UK called Conisbrough, one of the iconic buildings there is Conisbrough Castle, along with that I grew up with a link to history as well as the history of the castle, there was also the history of the World War 1 monument outside it. The poppy is also important to me as well as like others it’s a reminder of the the wars, but there is also a link to my (amazing) mum (Who loves history) but collects the WW1 linked poppies because of the symbolism of them.

I have some small canvas’ going spare with no idea what to do with them, the idea for this piece was to layer up the art work. Each piece focusing on the fall of the poppy, as you grow up you realise more and more what the poppy is about. It starts off with just being a flower linked to some kind of war then as you go into adulthood it becomes much more than that.
Fallen Poppies

Digital art/ Mental health art

Happy Mental Health week!

Can you see me now?

Can you see me now? (2017)

I’ll admit at the moment I’m in a down state, there have probably been signs of it for the past few days but only now, as things have gotten to it’s “Bad,” Level where my mind is wishing for it to end. People tell me, “The mood will pass,” But what they don’t see is that I remember each one of my bad down states, they leave scars , burn marks and blisters. I hide them behind a mask because, in mental illness you have to remain strong.

With mental illness, it’s hard enough to battle with it, battling with the stigma and people’s point of views is another hill to climb over. The people with the conditions will probably think of themselves as something like, “Weak,” Or, “Crazy,” Or even something worse. We don’t need to be told any negative point of views, mental health needs acceptance and to be dealt with appropriately.

 

Body Dysmorphia CUT

Body Dysmorphia (2017)

It’s a condition which distorts how you view yourself, finding flaws in your own appearance, although it’s not always looking too, “Fat,” sometimes the viewer can see themselves as, “Too Skinny,” Or even, “Not symmetrical,” Enough. They can see themselves as being, “Disfigured.” People start working on, “fixing,” themselves doing things like obsessively weighing themselves, over exercising, needing constant reassurance, using heavy makeup or tanning etc.

Sometimes the obsession can lead to eating disorders.

Digital Art/ Mental Health Project

Defusion techniques FINALDefusion Techniques (2017)– It was part of my CBT, to get me to challenge the negative thoughts. To make it better to remember I drew this taking my pet rabbit- Poirot, as a muse. Ok, it doesn’t help all the time to challenge thoughts, especially if you have a mind like mine where you end up having arguments with yourself. I figured I’d show one way to help negative thinking. With Depression, Bipolar disorder or any mental health issue, it’s probably the number 1 trigger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fall to PiecesFall to pieces (2017)- One thing about Borderline Personality disorder, I try to get across to people is the oversensitivity some of us have. One little change and our emotions can shift in a matter of seconds. Stability turns into a nervous wreck. It’s like one gust of wind and you’ll find yourself falling to pieces with no idea how to piece yourself back.

 

Fall to Pieces

Fall to Pieces

Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

 

After the nauseating, speed breaking journey, I found out another thing that Sophia is going to kill me for. At least there is going to be one reason I would know why she is angry. Yuuki left to keep up the story that we hadn’t gone out.

No one is here to defend me.

“I’ve lost my keys.” I squeaked showing the hole in my summer coat pocket. I swear Sophia thought of multiple ways to kill me in that second.

“You! -” She screamed not able to end the sentence. She stood waving her arms and biting her lip that signalled I needed to get out of the way.

“Climb over the fence and quickly get in through the kitchen doors, then let me in.” She sneered. The private back garden, my mum had put a spare door key to the French doors in one of the hanging baskets. I don’t think she ever imagined it would be needed for a situation like this.

Without question, I hoisted myself over the wooden fence working on falling onto the floor with zero injury. I managed to finish my mission then let Sophia in so she could continue her secret, but noticeably obvious, mission.

“I need to call my aunt.” Sophia said barging in through the door as I opened it.

“What is wrong?” I screamed walking into the living room before deciding to pick up the pretzels and jump on the sofa. I’m starting to think whatever it is. They are over thinking it.

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Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

 

 

 

 

Yuuki appeared at the door moments later, in half the time it should have taken her driving that car across town.

“Ok, before we go out,” Sophia stated. I thought for a second, I’m about to get a lecture. “Yuuki, take the rollers out of your hair.”

“Fine, for the record though, I was going to take them out as we got there.”

“That would mean you’re taking them out while driving.” I answered finding myself outside after standing in the door way for a few minutes.

“What can I say? I’m defining what they actually mean by multitasking.” Yuuki said flinching as Sophia took it upon herself to sort Yuuki’s hair out.

“Yeah and highlighting another high car crash scenario.” I mumbled climbing into the back of the car. I had to avoid empty sweet packet mountain and the statue of the Chinese waving cat, which is actually seat belted, in the driver’s side passenger seat.

“Yuuki, next time, take the chicken feathers out before you put the rollers in!” Sophia scolded.

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Digital Art/Mental health project

Inner Child5Inner Child (2017)- I finished CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) Last week, one of the things mentioned was that emotionally, I’m still a child. I held onto the hope of someone telling me in my childhood that, “Everything is ok,”  For so long, I haven’t grown up properly, hence one of the reasons I have Borderline personality disorder. This piece was to show that no matter what the make up, there is still that piece of me that is anxious when it comes to people because I’m worried about what they will say or do. I can hide behind the make up, pretend to be brave but in the end the part of me that experienced the emotional abuse growing up is still there and is sensitive to that around me.

Time

Mercy tree (2017)

When it comes to mental health issues, time seems like an important thing. An episode of Mania, depression and/or psychosis, can last for days, weeks or even months, the ticking of the clock can get annoying waiting for the episode to pass. You can hope that the episode will go as fast as possible but the truth is, it will last as long as it wants too. Telling someone to, “Get over it,” Never works. Each cog on the tree represents a day. You need to wait, till each cog has fallen for the clocks to stop again before the sky becomes clear blue again.

Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

 

 

“What’s wrong honey?” My mum called as I slammed the door shut and leant against it. Of course, the annoying trait of, ‘Act like nothing happened,’ Appears, the argument yesterday can’t be brought back up.

“Nothing.” I squeaked, wondering how I’m going to explain the missing bag and grazed hands.

I’m not fit enough to run all the way back home. I had to slow to a walk a few… Like eight… Minutes back and got my breath back and heart rate down. Scarcely, after my nerves had calmed, the doorbell rang

Was it that man?

Or worse that dog?

Ok, I’m over thinking it, how can a dog ring the doorbell?

I peeked out of the eyehole in the door, something I never do. No one is there.

Cautiously I cracked open the door, on the doorstep unexpectedly stood my satchel.

“Who is it?” My mum asked walking into the hall, just as I snatched up my bag.

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