Prayer (2017)

Prayer

Prayer (2017)

I’ve grown up in a Catholic family, one of the memories I have going through my childhood and early adolescence is going to church, which was more like a small family reunion, every Saturday night or Sunday morning. Older I got and as Priest’s changed I went to church less and less, but you can’t really run from prayers (hence I put the Lord’s Prayer in the picture) and the memory that I was even an altar girl helping out the priest. People take one look at me and sometimes are surprised that with my gothic look I have this background and that I have fond memories of going to church.

I decided that I would give this piece to the church I grew up in- St Albans RC Church Denaby. Here’s where it has ended up (For now) and also the priest.IMG_2222

 

Advertisements

Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 8

I dropped into my nightmare. However, this time it’s different.

There is no screaming.

The red room I had been imprisoned in, now held a table of food. I had to laugh at the pomegranates; weirdly I understood why my mother never let me try the fruit. I kept my distance keeping curled up at the furthest wall. Tucking the bottom of the long chiffon white dress, I’d become familiar with over the years, under my feet. Wishing it had sleeves I could also hide in. The only thing I hadn’t become used to is the necklace.

At least I knew who sent the special delivery letter. Closely looking at the opal diamond. I recognised it as the same tear shaped one, only it has a pink sheen.

A hint of disappointment hit me, I found it prettier when it was its original plain colour.

The dream is more defined. I could feel the red isn’t paint. The walls had been covered in soft red material.

I wanted to have a dream that took me away from what had recently happened.

“You could stay here and leave all that happened.”

I couldn’t help my reaction. Instead of freaking out at the whisper close to my ear, I relaxed. Hades is practically leaning over me and I relaxed? I felt a strange pull he had on me while tried to drag me closer, like the little space between us shouldn’t be there.

A small part of me argued the space between us should be bigger. When I thought, he was some human under some Greek mythology delusion, I thought I was attracted to him because of curiosity.

Now, I found out this is real, I have no idea.

I tempted a peek at him, he dressed all in black but his slender built up figure still is obvious even with clothes. I examined his face, they really weren’t kidding about Gods looking like they were sculpted out of marble. His eyes stood out against his pale skin, like his hair they looked black but had a red tint in the light. They reminded me of the opal around my neck in the light they shined their colours.

Still staring at him he began to slide my nearest sleeve down exposing my shoulder tracing my collarbone, his face keeping close to my ear.

He isn’t some guy under some delusion; I have been the one who has been deluded.

“Looks like you didn’t need my persuasion after all.” He assumed; I wonder what his original plan was to make me believe in him?

“I need to wake up.” I muffled suddenly finally getting out of the trance.

“What if you are already awake?” He spoke more clearly, in a defined accent, still close my ear. It took me till then to figure out he is inhaling my scent.

“I can’t be. I only come here when I’m asleep.”

“How about something to eat?” He said finally moving his head.

“You think I’m going to fall for that?” Turning to fully face him.

“No, of course. You’re too smart for that. However,” He commenced. Hades grabbed the pomegranate and knife from the floor on his other side. I want to desperately to move away but the invisible hold is still there.

Hades gradually sliced the pomegranate in half, revealing to me for the first time what one looks like inside. “It’s actually even better, that Thanatos is your father.” He informed picking out the pomegranate seeds.

“There is a rule. I control the dead. That control covers those with Shinigami blood, who haven’t learned to control their powers yet. Normally due to growing up, their powers are the most out of control between the ages of fourteen and eighteen, sometimes nineteen, depending on the amount of stress. They need the most control. So, let’s say a Halfling blowing out electronics in an emotional fit.” He clarified.

I realised what he is implying, making me finally get out of my relaxed state.

“That’s when I could step in.” Hades concluded.

“That’s when you could control me more.” I feared.

“Yes. Your mother should have really listened to your dad when he tried to contact you when you were fourteen. Also, your mum could have really done with telling you everything before the deadline. That much to process isn’t too good on stress levels.” Hades sighed inspecting the half of the pomegranate he hadn’t taken to pieces. He then decided to show off my throwing a pomegranate seed in the air and catching it in his mouth.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths; trying to calm my heart rate and trying any thought process that would make me wake up.

“So, Alexa, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” He whispered, the contact of his shirt-covered body touching my arm made my heart rate drop. He held a hand full of the pomegranate seeds in front of me. I didn’t count all of them but I could tell there is more than six. For the first time, I managed to shuffle away only I backed myself into a corner. He sighed moving in closer.

“I’m not going to eat them.” I responded through clenched teeth.

“Eat.” He commanded moving in front of me. My hands shook wanting to reach for the seeds. I shook my head making my hair fall over my face, which he quickly moved. What if I had one? No I can’t.

“No.”

“Final answer?”

“What’s the point in asking that? You’ll keep asking.”

“Because, you tricked me once.” He muttered in my ear, leaning over me, his face not even an inch away from mine. His mint scent engulfed me, drowning my other senses for a moment. “I’m not willing to let you get away again.”

“What-?” My line is cut off.

Hades’ warm mouth was on mine. As much as I tried to break away, his hand behind my neck held me there, I felt like melting. Then as I gasped from his other hand moving and putting pressure on my side, found out why he is really doing this.

I felt his tongue force some pomegranate seeds into my mouth. I panicked. Knowing that he forced me back onto the wall, his mouth still not moving away from mine.

Each of his touches felt gave a relieving sensation like discovering something cold after craving it a hot day. On the other hand, I couldn’t let myself get caught in the moment, as I knew what he’s trying to do. Biting his tongue is an option; I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My hands moved to push him away but the power he held over me in this moment is physical as well as emotional and mental.

I’m defenceless. Hades is God of the Underworld, one of the more powerful Gods. Maybe it is normal for any fight to go running away.

I moved the seeds to the side of my mouth. Underneath my tongue would have been useless, like for gum, it would have been easy to check.

Once, he seemed satisfied, he pulled away. He played with the ends of my hair for a second. Still believing he had got me. Giving him a smirk I turned my head to get the seeds out of my mouth.

I yelped in pain, with a hand full of my hair abruptly pulled my head got back. I looked up, wide-eyed, at Hades who looked far from happy.

“It doesn’t matter you know. Every night, until you are here properly, you will come to this room. I’ll be waiting.” He threatened his face inches from mine. “And there are more seeds in the pomegranate.” Hades breathed, I sharply inhaled not from his threat. The taste of his breath made me need his lips on mine again.

 

Home (2017)

Home

Oil on canvas’

Depicting a feature on the front of Conisbrough Library and the smaller pictures are, Conisbrough Viaduct, part of St Peter’s church and the Conisbrough sign.

I’ve been wanting to do something with the Conisbrough library, especially with the wheel on front of it for a while now, as it’s somewhere I went often growing up. The idea was for the smaller canvas’ where part of the wheel coming off of it whilst depicting parts of Conisbrough’s history.

Painting- Centennial, Fallen Poppies

Fallen Poppies (2017)

This painting is mainly a link to my childhood. I grew up in a small town in the UK called Conisbrough, one of the iconic buildings there is Conisbrough Castle, along with that I grew up with a link to history as well as the history of the castle, there was also the history of the World War 1 monument outside it. The poppy is also important to me as well as like others it’s a reminder of the the wars, but there is also a link to my (amazing) mum (Who loves history) but collects the WW1 linked poppies because of the symbolism of them.

I have some small canvas’ going spare with no idea what to do with them, the idea for this piece was to layer up the art work. Each piece focusing on the fall of the poppy, as you grow up you realise more and more what the poppy is about. It starts off with just being a flower linked to some kind of war then as you go into adulthood it becomes much more than that.
Fallen Poppies

Digital art/ Mental health art

Happy Mental Health week!

Can you see me now?

Can you see me now? (2017)

I’ll admit at the moment I’m in a down state, there have probably been signs of it for the past few days but only now, as things have gotten to it’s “Bad,” Level where my mind is wishing for it to end. People tell me, “The mood will pass,” But what they don’t see is that I remember each one of my bad down states, they leave scars , burn marks and blisters. I hide them behind a mask because, in mental illness you have to remain strong.

With mental illness, it’s hard enough to battle with it, battling with the stigma and people’s point of views is another hill to climb over. The people with the conditions will probably think of themselves as something like, “Weak,” Or, “Crazy,” Or even something worse. We don’t need to be told any negative point of views, mental health needs acceptance and to be dealt with appropriately.

 

Body Dysmorphia CUT

Body Dysmorphia (2017)

It’s a condition which distorts how you view yourself, finding flaws in your own appearance, although it’s not always looking too, “Fat,” sometimes the viewer can see themselves as, “Too Skinny,” Or even, “Not symmetrical,” Enough. They can see themselves as being, “Disfigured.” People start working on, “fixing,” themselves doing things like obsessively weighing themselves, over exercising, needing constant reassurance, using heavy makeup or tanning etc.

Sometimes the obsession can lead to eating disorders.

Digital Art/ Mental Health Project

Defusion techniques FINALDefusion Techniques (2017)– It was part of my CBT, to get me to challenge the negative thoughts. To make it better to remember I drew this taking my pet rabbit- Poirot, as a muse. Ok, it doesn’t help all the time to challenge thoughts, especially if you have a mind like mine where you end up having arguments with yourself. I figured I’d show one way to help negative thinking. With Depression, Bipolar disorder or any mental health issue, it’s probably the number 1 trigger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fall to PiecesFall to pieces (2017)- One thing about Borderline Personality disorder, I try to get across to people is the oversensitivity some of us have. One little change and our emotions can shift in a matter of seconds. Stability turns into a nervous wreck. It’s like one gust of wind and you’ll find yourself falling to pieces with no idea how to piece yourself back.

 

 

 

Writing Project- Goddess of Change- Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

 

After the nauseating, speed breaking journey, I found out another thing that Sophia is going to kill me for. At least there is going to be one reason I would know why she is angry. Yuuki left to keep up the story that we hadn’t gone out.

No one is here to defend me.

“I’ve lost my keys.” I squeaked showing the hole in my summer coat pocket. I swear Sophia thought of multiple ways to kill me in that second.

“You! -” She screamed not able to end the sentence. She stood waving her arms and biting her lip that signalled I needed to get out of the way.

“Climb over the fence and quickly get in through the kitchen doors, then let me in.” She sneered. The private back garden, my mum had put a spare door key to the French doors in one of the hanging baskets. I don’t think she ever imagined it would be needed for a situation like this.

Without question, I hoisted myself over the wooden fence working on falling onto the floor with zero injury. I managed to finish my mission then let Sophia in so she could continue her secret, but noticeably obvious, mission.

“I need to call my aunt.” Sophia said barging in through the door as I opened it.

“What is wrong?” I screamed walking into the living room before deciding to pick up the pretzels and jump on the sofa. I’m starting to think whatever it is. They are over thinking it.

Continue reading